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Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
lupinelapine
snoutregiment-deactivated201602

Pizza

lupinelapine

Bran, look!

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risingemini

Date Ideas for the Signs

risingemini

Aries: Drives to the city. Be spontaneous, go crazy! Show them how much fun you’re having and eat lots of food

Taurus: Cute little coffee shops and parks. Take lots of aesthetic pictures and tell them how you cute the pictures are

Gemini: Lazer tag (they’re really good at it) Eat lots of weird cool food after and talk lots

Cancer: Water balloon fight and pizza afterwards. Movies at home. Blanket forts. Staying up til dawn talking

Leo: The beach. Picnics on hot sand, and drowning each other in cold water. Show each other off because y’all know you’re hot

Virgo: Star gazing. Lay a blanket out with lots of food. Talk and laugh endlessly about anything and everything

Libra: Dog park. Play with dogs even though you don’t have any on your own. Rename them and come up with sneaky plans to steal them

Scorpio: Make food and bake goods at home. Throw flour at each other. Drink hot chocolate and cuddle while waiting to eat your chocolate chip cookies

Sagittarius: Art museum. Take pictures of each other, and post on ig with the caption “s/he’s the real art (;”

Capricorn: Attempt to break guinness world records. Stuff as many marshmallows as you can in your mouth, see who can keep their eyes open the longest. Then do fun stuff with the extra material afterwards

Aquarius: Roadtrip. By cool souvenirs and stay in shady hotels because you can’t afford a nice hotel yet. Take pictures of moments, not things

Pisces: Take a nap together. Wake up smiling groggily in each others faces. Then blast music and make breakfast together

marvelanddcsmut
dreamlightasafeather dreamlightasafeather

IF YOU NEED TO CALL 911 BUT ARE SCARED TO BECAUSE OF SOMEONE IN THE ROOM, dial and ask for a pepperoni pizza. They will ask if you know you’re calling 911. Say yes, and continue pretending you’re making an order. They’ll ask if there’s someone in the room.

You can ask how long it will take for the pizza to get to you, and they will tell you how far away a dispatcher is.

Here is an example video

mamalizmas

Reblog to literally save a life

anotherdayforchaosfay

I’ve done this.  I’m alive because of this. 

My flat-mate’s date for the night was almost as drunk as her.  She had passed out in her room and locked the door.  He refused to leave because he wanted to have sex.  He also demanded food because he was dealing with “whiskey dick”.  He didn’t like the lack of food in the fridge.  I called 911, did the stuff stated above, and he was getting PISSED about how long the “order” was taking.  He took my phone, demanded they “hurry the fuck up”.  Police arrived two minutes later, arrested him, and helped me file a police report.  Pressing charges wasn’t necessary because he had warrants on him from THREE different states for the very thing he planned to do to me.  Several months after this happened one of the officers informed me he was charged with two felonies because he crossed stay lines, and will be serving no less than 35 years in prison.  The officer ripped into my flat-mate about her bringing home complete strangers, while drunk, knowing full well this shit could happen. 

This was 14 years ago.  

Do the pizza order, do it as calmly as you can.  The dispatcher I spoke to said things like this:

“If he’s drunk say you want mushrooms.”  I said I want extra mushrooms.

“If he’s threatening you with sexual assault say you want onions.”  I said I want onions.

She went like this with different toppings and sauces for a description of him, like pineapple if he’s blonde, black olives if he’s tall, extra large if he’s tall, etc.

They’ve heard this sort of coded call before.  They’re trained for it.  They will understand what you’re saying.  Order the pizza.

torios

Really though. I’m in training for dispatch and this was one of the first things they taught us. Pretend you’re talking to a friend or relative, pretend you’re ordering pizza, we’ll figure it out. We’ll word questions so you can answer in an easy, casual way. Please, just make the call and we will do everything we can to help you.

skelatal-remains skelatal-remains

Reblog to save a life

mouse-named-minerva

Why the fuck is this not more widely known?

marvelanddcsmut

Super important, please re log darlings

scorched-angel
dreamlightasafeather dreamlightasafeather

IF YOU NEED TO CALL 911 BUT ARE SCARED TO BECAUSE OF SOMEONE IN THE ROOM, dial and ask for a pepperoni pizza. They will ask if you know you’re calling 911. Say yes, and continue pretending you’re making an order. They’ll ask if there’s someone in the room.

You can ask how long it will take for the pizza to get to you, and they will tell you how far away a dispatcher is.

Here is an example video

mamalizmas

Reblog to literally save a life

anotherdayforchaosfay

I’ve done this.  I’m alive because of this. 

My flat-mate’s date for the night was almost as drunk as her.  She had passed out in her room and locked the door.  He refused to leave because he wanted to have sex.  He also demanded food because he was dealing with “whiskey dick”.  He didn’t like the lack of food in the fridge.  I called 911, did the stuff stated above, and he was getting PISSED about how long the “order” was taking.  He took my phone, demanded they “hurry the fuck up”.  Police arrived two minutes later, arrested him, and helped me file a police report.  Pressing charges wasn’t necessary because he had warrants on him from THREE different states for the very thing he planned to do to me.  Several months after this happened one of the officers informed me he was charged with two felonies because he crossed stay lines, and will be serving no less than 35 years in prison.  The officer ripped into my flat-mate about her bringing home complete strangers, while drunk, knowing full well this shit could happen. 

This was 14 years ago.  

Do the pizza order, do it as calmly as you can.  The dispatcher I spoke to said things like this:

“If he’s drunk say you want mushrooms.”  I said I want extra mushrooms.

“If he’s threatening you with sexual assault say you want onions.”  I said I want onions.

She went like this with different toppings and sauces for a description of him, like pineapple if he’s blonde, black olives if he’s tall, extra large if he’s tall, etc.

They’ve heard this sort of coded call before.  They’re trained for it.  They will understand what you’re saying.  Order the pizza.

torios

Really though. I’m in training for dispatch and this was one of the first things they taught us. Pretend you’re talking to a friend or relative, pretend you’re ordering pizza, we’ll figure it out. We’ll word questions so you can answer in an easy, casual way. Please, just make the call and we will do everything we can to help you.

sekovanicc111
braezenkitty

why is my cat screaming?

  • her food dish is slightly less than full
  • she wants pets
  • someone is making food in the kitchen
  • she’s bored
  • she wants wet food
  • she wants to sit on my lap
  • she wants treats
  • she thinks she wants outside
  • she’s hungry
  • I sneezed
woahthisguy

  • The trench coat is not somewhere he can lay on it
  • The blanket is not squished to his liking
  • There’s people in the hallway and he can hear them
  • I’ve stepped out to smoke
  • I have cheese and he does not
  • He knows I’m getting ready for work
onceuponatmi

* I woke up but am still in bed

* I have not said hello adequately after walking through the door

* I am taking too long to make coffee in the morning and can’t I see how she is already on the cat brushing bench at precisely 6:45am (the time there should be brushing), but it’s now 6:46, you useless human, what the hell.

* I have opened the shower curtain and am about to step in the shower. This is accompanied by biting and scratching and pulling me towards the door and safety from the wet room of certain death.

* There are people getting their mail from the mail box outside our apartment window but they have not acknowledged her or said hello through the glass.

* A horse carriage is walking past the house and horses are nightmare creatures who must be discouraged through yelling lest they storm the stairs and get us.

* She also wants wet food.

ltleflrt

*he’s not yelling, he’s singing.

mittensmorgul

  • there is a mouse in the laundry room
  • there is no longer a mouse in the laundry room, but there’s probably a mouse carcass creatively hidden somewhere in the house
  • there’s an oppossum on the deck
  • the neighbors have dared to walk their dog past the front of the house and have stopped within his line of sight… dogs must not stop where he can see them
  • he wants whatever I’m preparing in the kitchen regardless of if it’s a turkey sandwich or a cup of tea. it belongs to him.
  • I have finally found the creatively hidden mouse. It was in my shoe. It was actually me screaming that time
jimminovak

  • the “he wants whatever I’m preparing in the kitchen regardless of if it’s a turkey sandwich or a cup of tea. it belongs to him.” is extremely relatable.
  • i was petting them, then forgot to pet them for five seconds
  • one of the other cats is sitting on their favorite spot.
  • i am sitting on their favorite spot.
  • they want food even though they still have food and there’s no reason to ask for wet food because it’s 9 AM and they get wet food at night.
  • they hear someone walking to the front door— not just someone, only family members get meowing and running to the door, they hear if its us.
  • apparently they meow louder when it’s me, even if i left for just a moment (i am v proud of this)
  • extremely loud at 3 AM bc no one is giving attention.
  • at 7:30 because that’s when I have to wake up and my cat knows so she tells me
  • whenever they do it, whatever for, i love them to death.
Source: braezenkitty
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